Happy in the Void

We are usually talking about being happy and how to be happy. Authors even dare to try a step-by-step guide, and countries are listed according to a "happy index score." Some people move to the happiest countries in the world while others try to find their reason for living in a relationship or an internet guide. However, aren't all these fruitless tries making us more miserable? What is happiness? And how can it be achieved?

If you are looking for something, it means you have not found it.

Although it sounds pretty obvious, some people seem not to realize that. If you are constantly pursuing happiness through trips, friends, excitement (or whatever it may be), you are not happy. If you are happy, you need to be happy in quietness. In other words, you need to be happy in the void. If happiness is nothing but a feeling that comes when something good happens to us, here is the question: Is there real happiness (enduring joy) in this world? What is happiness? And where is it so that it can be found?

Balancing the Different Aspects of Life

We are usually interacting with the environment around us in different ways. Therefore, it is essential to understand the main aspects responsible for impacting our hearts. These may be:

• The inner world (what we think, decide, and feel).

• The external subjectivity (what other people think, choose, and feel).

• The real world.

Every human relation and feeling is based on one of the three aspects described above. The awareness about each of them and the equilibrium among them is vital to keep our hearts happy.

Nowadays, most of our interactions are based on the subjective world. In other words, it means that the way you view your situation and how others feel about you have more power to influence your happiness than should have. Although the subjective world can be an ally when our real world is falling apart, it has a tremendous power against us if we do not deal with it properly.

Therefore, what are the main differences between these three aspects, and how to keep them in perfect harmony?

The Real World x The External Subjectivity

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine called Mateusz was on vacation. He went camping with his wife and kids. They all had a lot of fun watching the animals nearby while feeling the fresh breeze on their skin. After three days, Mateusz had to go back to work. He told his wife what many people usually say after some days having fun: "Oh no, I need to go back to real life now."

If you are like Mateusz, you will probably commit the same mistake and look for happiness in the wrong places. In other words, you will look for joy in your circumstances because you can not separate what is real from what is subjective.

The reality for Mateusz should not be when he returned to work. At work, we find a set of situations created by human decisions, and everything is subjective. That is the external subjectivity. From this set of human choices comes a series of rules to mold behaviors and reach a specific target or result. This whole atmosphere is created by humans because they decided to do so. Most of the time, we live in a crossing of subjectivities and not in an environment of things and facts.

Nowadays, we are constantly allowing other people's thoughts to impact our lives. However, none of these should have the power to influence us if we don't let them so. Mateusz's real world, with a family he loves in a real place they enjoy, should be more substantial than all the external subjectiveness around him. Not the opposite. It is important to start to recognize the physical world around us. We need to start by changing the hierarchy, placing the real above the subjective. Mateusz was in the real world while he was enjoying his family among nature. A mindfulness exercise could help Mateusz to live what is real.

We are all living on Earth. This is real. We can not be stronger than a bear, and this is also real. We need to start by focusing on the reality of which the human world is built. Therefore, whatever happens, I must first pay attention to the physical conditionings of my situation and understand that they are the primary reality. Not the human world built around it.

Whatever people think of you or impose on you shall not remain forever. The human world changes very quickly, and if we base our emotions on it, we will never be emotionally stable. We may find moments of joy, but we will never be happy. Laws change, and time changes. People change, and governments change. On the other hand, changes are slow and never structural when they happen in nature.

Although it may not always be perfect, the real world gives us a point to start. What are the things in your real world that matter to you? What are those things that make you happy? Count them all. These things are real, and we can rely on them in a constant unstable world.

Your Inner World is Real Inside You 

As important as being aware of the real world around us, we need to be strong in our inner world to stand against all the changes we see in the external subjective world. Once more, we need to be happy in the void. But what does it mean? And what if I feel my real world is falling apart? That is when your inner world plays its role!

When not much is happening around us, everything is quiet, and you feel happy in the void, this probably means you have constructed a strong internal world. The external subjectiveness around us (whatever other people think or impose) can and will continually change. We need to know that sometimes there will be nothing we can or could do about it.

Most of the things that make us sad come either from our feelings or what others think and do to us.

Let's say there is a new rule somewhere - and that is making you sad. Laws should exist for a purpose, and they are all subjective. Therefore, how should you respond to them?

Once more, and no matter what, you need to stand for yourself. You need to know your conscience, your principles, and your values. First off, get some if you have none. Find out what you believe. If we could all do this exercise, although there are evil people in the world, most of us would come up with genuinely good principles and values most of the time.

Many atrocities against humanity happened in wars and, when questioned, some soldiers said they were only following orders. Many of them did not even agree with what was happening, but they obeyed those orders anyway. Had those officers set some good values and principles, they could have said no. If they did so, perhaps the impact of those evil actions on us would be a bit different today. Human authority has its power only because most of us choose to believe and give them strength.

These soldiers were no less guilty than their leaders. It is important to know our principles and values as well as to stand for them. They are our foundation in the subjective world. Without them, we can not be happy.

Therefore, what is it that you believe? Honor it. And if you trust and serve God, follow his principles dearly.

People like you and me create laws and rules. If you live in a democracy, they are there to represent you. Therefore, how can we be emotionally stable and happy if we only respond to the external subjective world because of interest and/or fear? The same question applies to any human interaction, either at work or with a friend. We can only be happy by knowing what we stand for and honoring it.

Get Rid of Vanities

Vanities are all subjective, and they should not interfere with the way we feel. Why should you worry if you will get that promotion or not? Why should you worry about whoever thinks badly of you (especially when you know who you really are)? And what good could worry add to your life?

It might sound easier said than done. However, when we become aware of our physical world and its limitations, we can consciously decide to enjoy what is real in our lives: our families, our friends, the nature around us, the trips we do, the food we eat. In other words, whatever is real, and the genuine feelings from our inner world and the decisions based on it. We can choose what to think and believe, as well as to stand up for these things.

When My Real World Seems to be Falling Apart

We are not naive to affirm that the real world may not be pleasing for many people. Some do not have what to eat or where to live, and that is all quite real. Although it may be difficult, our vision should always be on what we can do instead of what we can not. There is always something we alone can do to improve our lives. Moreover, we can choose where to look at and what to believe. That is entirely our choice.

“If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone.”

“Is it not events that disturb the minds of men, but the view they take of them”

“Man is not fully free unless he is master of himself.”

— Epictetus

You could be surprised if you do not know Epictetus was born a slave. However, he knew we were not always capable of controlling the external world around us; he also learned the importance of being the master of his emotions, whatever happens. Briefly, Epictetus knew he would get nowhere by blaming people for whatever happened to him, and he took responsibility for his life. It does not mean some people may not be partially guilty of our misery; it simply means we will not improve our lives by keeping our minds as victims.

It was what Epictetus believed that kept him strong in his inner world. Epictetus had a powerful sense of God in his life. Our beliefs, principles, and values can keep us happy if they are genuine. Again, it might sound easier than done, but this is real. Being happy does not mean you will be laughing all the time. When our physical world is falling apart, being happy has more to do with a life of purpose than with our circumstances.

Whenever we focus on, increase. Whatever happens in the world, or whatever people think of us, will only impact our hearts if we allow them to.

When you know who you are and the genuine principles you stand for, the world may insult you, persecute you, or lie about you. However, you will find the strength and rejoice knowing that you are doing the right thing. You will be able to hold each one of these offenses as a medal in your heart. If you do not believe your values and principles are not strong enough for this, perhaps it's time to evaluate what you believe and set some new ones.

In a Nutshell

Generations come and go, but most of us don't live fully. The external subjectiveness around us changes fast. Let's keep our hearts safe from it, knowing sometimes there will be nothing we can do to change it. Let's not be like the wave in the wind, while we can be the master of our emotions.

We need to recognize the real world around us and focus on the people and things that matter most. We can enjoy what is real, and we can enjoy whatever is genuine in our inner world.

Moreover, even when the real world is unpleasant, knowing our reality helps us understand our possibilities and limitations. We know where to start. While reality shows us where we stand, our principles and values are the main points for bringing us genuine happiness, whatever happens.

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